Jesus Loves Polliwogs

IM BAAAAACCCKKKK!

I know, I know, I KNOW. It's been days, weeks, practically ages since my last post. I think it was Taylor Swift who said that absence makes the heart grow fonder...or that may have been some other tragic teenage cliché? Who knows...who cares. What's relevant is this: Miley Cyrus has lost her damn mind, Justin Timberlake is still Pop music king of this generation, and like Lady Gaga, I'm back and better than ever.

Now, I realized that I promised this posting last week but let's get real:
syllabus week trumps all.
I am a senior (WHAAATTTT) which logically means that by now I have mastered how to be successful during this epic 5 day run of #blurredlines. Blogging, however, is not part of the equation. Luckily for me and my sad attempt to relive ~*fReShMaN yEaR**~ at good ol' Rocky B's, I met the wisest TCU newbie ever. Does he have a name? I have no clue. He was sitting on the bench, eavesdropping on the intensely profound conversation between an unnamed junior and myself that was rolling like this:

homegirl:

 

me:

 

 



THEN CUE NEWBIE:

boy genius: "but everyone is welcome here. you know why? because even Jesus loves polliwogs."

I've read the Bible. I've even taken Bible with Janis Quesada. I know what's going on in the Bible. Obviously, there is not a story sandwiched after Cain and Abel and before Job that equates polliwogs to Christianity's elixir. But if you know me at all, you know I managed to find a universal truth from this spectacular Monday night moment and it goes a little something like this:

Life is too short.

and even more importantly: COLLEGE is too short, especially to miss out on polliwogs that have the:

I have been recently tricked by that crafty mother of mine into this thing called "promises". I promised to water our plants and finish our sad excuse of a dining room renovation. But most importantly, I promised that if I wouldn't miss out on one single thing this year. You see, I am a creature of habit and comfort. I like my bed. I LOVE my TV shows. I don't need to get Jersey Shore schwasted every night to feel alive. I like a good glass of bourbon and a book on the porch (I swear I'm not an 86 year old man). But you see ladies and gents, polliwogs are meant to be drank, TV shows are meant to be recorded, assignments are meant to be (slightly) procrastinated, and the twentysomething years are meant to be...well, a mess. No one else around you really has their life together. If they do, they probably missed out on last Saturday's bash with the Brown Bear Club of Fort Worth (don't even ask).

To be honest, I've learned some pretty tough lessons over the last three years, but none as important as this:
*People are selfish. They think of themselves first. Next, they think of their immediate homies and thennnn the pretty/fun people come third. If you don't put yourself out there, YOU WILL NEVER GET INVITED ANYWHERE. It's not because people don't like you or all secretly voted that you're the lamest human ever. No. They just didn't think about you because well, frankly, you never do shit.
THE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR ISSUES:
Turn off the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives marathon, get out of your XXXXL sorority formal tee, for the love of God wash your hair (yes, I mean you... random Kappa that hasn't washed her hair since the first day of school), and GO DO SOMETHING FUN. Call someone...anyone and just get some socialization in.

The more you do, the more you're out, the more people will notice what a totally awesome person you are. Watch out world! Once you get your mojo back, you'll be on top of the world... or at least not totally scrambling for a Fall formal date.