1. you suck
2. you're a rookie
3. you don't actually care
Considering TCT has been live for only one year, I'm obviously a rookie. Not the Andy Dalton kind though-more like Steve DeBerg circa 1978. Number one is true because I totally suck for letting my absence get so out of hand. If this blog was my cable bill, Charter would have cut my ass off a long time ago. But as far as the last conclusion goes, FALSE. I absolutely DO care. Don't get me wrong, people. There are a lot of things I honestly could care less about ... including but not limited to: professional soccer, calories in a McDonald's cheeseburger, having only 23 songs in my iTunes library, the dead potted plants on Merida's front porch, etc., etc. This blog, however, is cared about. But I won't complain because in the eyes and eternal words of Meat Loaf, "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad".
In my defense, my last post was exactly 51 days prior to graduating. I have no earthly clue where those 51 days went. And as I sit at my clusterfuck of a dining room table aka "home office", I'm dumbfounded. Two months month and 51 days ago I was bitching about proverbial hall passes, quoting random famous men, and preaching about the glories of growing up. NEWS FLASH:
There are no random men to quote here. There are no hall passes, proverbial or tangible. There's just me, my two laptops (yes, I need both to be mildy productive), a headset that would get NASA's rocks off and 50+ hours a week of being an "adult". Shit got real and it got real fast. Hayley Williams gets it (click me). I no longer lay in bed awake at night justifying the inevitable skipping of that LAME 8am lit class. You know why? Because when you're 22 and working your way up the corporate ladder, you have to show up at 8am every single day regardless of your condition. Hungover? Too bad. Sleep deprived? Welcome to the club. Just not feelin life? Shut yo mouth.
And to top off this dose of reality... you know those random alumni who show up at football tailgates and bitch to those still classroom-confined about "appreciating the good ole days"? That will be me in September.
BUT guess what? I'M SO EXCITED. Literally. e-c-s-t-a-t-i-c, ECSTATIC.
Sure. The full-time career thing can dull a girl in about 3 days. All of a sudden your brain hurts, your eyes burn and your soul is as black as your fourth round of K-Cup coffee. Those cute reading glasses that you bought to channel your inner most "Elle Woods, Harvard Law Student" are now an appendage, not an accessory. If I could get an IV of B-12 to pump through my veins everyday, I would. And please do not get me started on a social life. It has taken two months of adjusting to even consider mustering the energy to think about going to Capital on a Wednesday.
DeGroot said it best, "Growing up sucks ass." She's right. It's not SATC glamorous. I don't get to just write a weekly column and stroll Berry Street in my Manolos. But would I go back two years to relive my glory days? I think not. Would I start all over from the beginning? HELL TO THE NO. Here's 5 reasons why:
1. There is beauty to be found at the bottom of the totem pole.
Sure, wiping down dry erase boards and ordering lunch for meetings you don't get to attend is less than desirable. But those tiny moments when someone says "wow, you're a rockstar today" or "seriously, you're a lifesaver" or the Granddaddy of them all "thank you", it makes it all worth it. Plus, it's okay to mess up when you're at the bottom. Learning curves are real and reserved for new hires. It won't last forever, so enjoy the leniency while you can.
2. You can totally have a dog!
This is probably my favorite reason. Having a dog while in college is s'cute. "Like OMG, let's go run the greek with Buddy the labradoodle and maybe those sexy porch-stooping Sigma Chis will be out there and see us!" But who is going to watch after the dog when you're in Cabo for Spring Break? Who is going to feed the dog when you go straight from your night class to the buses for a mixer? And let's be real, do you truly want to spend your tiny expendable income (aka leftover scholarship/grant $$) on dog food when every bar within walking distances has daily happy hours? I think not. Granted, working from home is PRIME for getting a new dog, but seriously- it's so much easier with a normal routine that doesn't include college life chaos.
3. Morning Glory
Most days I don't appreciate 7am. Most days I lay in bed wondering what I can postpone or eliminate from my morning routine to just spend another 20 minutes dozing. You know who does like 7am? The dog. Sam, INEVITABLY, rolls all 90 of his pounds into the remaining 3 inches he left me on the bed and nudges me like "I don't want to be rude, but if you don't get up, I will piss on your white comforter." Endearing, isn't he?
That aside, when you are waning adulthood, there is something special, almost ethereal, about the quiet of the morning. It's the calm before the storm; the few moments before the universe kindly bitchslaps you into reality. On a really good morning, you're up before 7, leisurely sipping your first cup o' joe on the porch and for those few precious minutes, you can appreciate all that your life has blessed you with. It is almost like a really great dream: Life isn't so scary. Bosses aren't so intimidating. There is money in your bank account. Your hair blow dried itself. Writing brilliant posts for your company blog is easier than breathing. Catch my drift? Of course, those moments won't last forever, especially if rent is due that day. But for a moment, for a small slice of your day, you can breathe a little and have the confidence that you won't single-handedly burn the company to the ground that day. The mornings are now glorious and there is nothing as precious as 7am on a Saturday before the entire world is awake. When you treasure this, you know you are a card-carrying member of The Grown Up Club.
4. Peer Pressure ain't the same
In college, I always felt pressured to go out and be seen. No mixer went unmixed. No house party went unattended. No bar was left unscathed. If you weren't there and if there weren't pictures, it didn't happen. Let me be the first (and probably only) to say this: IT IS A LOT. There is never a shortage of places to be and I never felt 'excused' from going... except that one time junior year when my semester GPA crapped on my privileges, but I digress. Would I love to have an excuse to wear my ski goggles and tutu again? Duh. Would I love to be obligated to do it weekly? No. No. N-O. Peer pressure for grown ups is far more forgiving. If I had a really tough week at work, people understand my need to hermit. Weekends, for me at least, have evolved into a privilege- where what I do is my choice and no one judges. Once you get a handle on that 7a-7p weekday grind, you're bound to feel a little pressure to get out on the town. But let's be real: the only significant peer pressure for a twentysomething involves BRUNCH. And who in their right mind ever feels oppressed after bottomless mimosas and make-your-own Bloody Mary bars? No one. ever.
5. THE PEAK
If you actually know me, you have heard me say that I peaked at 9. That was a prime year for me. I was still cute, really smart for my age and didn't have a car payment. Hell, I rode a unicycle at Spurs games. If that isn't peak-worthy, I don't know what is. But the most important reason that I'm perfectly content not time travelling back to the "glory days" is because I truly feel that it can and does get better than that. Yes- Hangovers become significantly harder to bounce back from and drunchies DO count even if you don't remember eating 17 Taco Bell burritos. (Truth: the burrito calories do not count if you find it in the frocket of of your XXL sleep shirt still wrapped the next morning. I just don't advise eating it when you come-to at 11am).
But guess what? Who cares? You are a living, breathing *relatively* successful adult. You have the funds to actually buy decent beer. You don't have to shop at XXI anymore. You get to date other real adults who have more on their agenda than getting you drunk enough to go back to the frat house (unless that's your thing. judge not. what not.)
Will your friends start getting engaged, married and knocked up? Yeah. But if you haven't seen the movie The Wedding Date, do NOT discredit being a wedding date. Will you feel less comfortable asking your parents for money when you fail to budget correctly (or at all)? I hope. Will it suck for a while? Absolutely. No one actually wants to be a grown up. No one wants to have responsibilities, car payments or spring break FOMO. But, I hope that my greatest days, my greatest years are not behind me. I hope that I did not climax in life at 19. Because what does a girl have to live for if she's got 60+ years left of knowing that it won't ever get any more fulfilling than that one time she got stage and danced with Paul Wall?
To my bright, young, still-optimistic friends in school: Soak it up. Soak up every ounce of embarrassing fun you can. But do not dread "the real world". It will kick your ass at first, but I promise-- you will grow to love every second.
To my cynical, worn down, "I wish I could just stick it to the man" fellow grads: see y'all at happy hour.
