if you jump, I jump Jack

self·ish [ADJ]: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

Of all things I strive to not be, selfish takes the cake. Nothing irks me more than blatant disregard for others, for how your opinions, your actions, and even a lack of action affects another. My generation is constantly judged for an insatiable need for instant gratification and an overwhelming selfish mindset. Yet I have met handfuls of people from varying generations that fit the definition above.  I truly believe, as humans, we are innately selfish. Maybe it's our programming or upbringing. Maybe it's an engrained desire to achieve the "American Dream". Maybe it's just how the world remains spinning on its axis. I'll be sure to let you know when I figure out the common denominator. But, however unsuccessful I may be at times, I absolutely try to be as unselfish, as self-sacrificing for the good of whole, as possible. This past weekend, however, I was selfish.

Within the span of five days, literally FIVE, I changed my entire path. For some, that may sound insane... and trust me, i'm still digesting it all myself. I not only interviewed for a position in another city, but I accepted that position and am bidding Fort Worth adieu on Sunday. I am packing up and moving back in with my parents (hope they know or this will be very awkward). I am leaving the city that has made me so much of who I am. I left a perfectly good job. I am leaving brilliant humans who have given me more than I could ever hope for-- love, support, true friendship. The most selfish part of this is that I am leaving my perfect roommate/best friend/little sister to survive 2.5 more months in our house, on our crazy street, in our little oasis alone. The truth is, I am leaving so much of what has made my world bright, my heart full and it's the hardest decision I've made in a long while. But as I sit here in the backyard that has become my sanctuary over the last three years, I've found peace.

"you have to do things
for yourself before you
do things for other people.
love yourself
then love other people.
trust yourself
then trust other people.

be kind to yourself.
be good to yourself.

when it is time for other people,
it will be time for other people.
but right now
you have to save yourself
before you can save other people."
- r.m. drake

no one ever tells you what growing up is like. you spend endless hours studying for tests, completing hundreds of pages of assignments and then you get out, degree in hand with an invincible attitude ready to take on the real world. I've been making a decent run at the real world for a year and a half now. but for the first time in 16 months, I think I've actually got something figured out. scratch that, I know I do. I know that this past weekend, this week, in this moment, I have to be selfish. I have to take this incredible career path and run. I have to pack up my things, sign a new contract, and go for it. Luckily, I live with a beautiful human whose love and support for me runs deep. Luckily, I've found a nice married couple with a spare bedroom. But even if I weren't so fortunate, I would be crazy to not jump at this chance to pursue my calling, to be more than what I am now, to follow my heart.

Eight days ago, I stumbled across an Instagram of this awesome shiplap sign that read "Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created" (Esther 4:14). I saw it and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I snapped a screenshot and tucked it away because I knew there was a reason it resonated so deeply. Three days later, I got the call for the interview and over the weekend, I accepted the position for Constituent Services with District 10 City Councilman, Mike Gallagher. Now all I need is some killer pant suits and I'm basically Olivia Pope.

Strategic Communications majors at TCU have gotten a bad rap over the years. It has been dubbed the "MRS" degree of the school-- the degree that pretty girls who just want to be housewives, but whose parents made them go to college, get so that way they can plan awesome bridal showers and birthday parties. It is so very far from the truth. We aren't just a bunch of Real Housewives in the making. I have met so many men and women Strat Comm majors who have gone on to have incredible careers in all kinds of fields. Some found their success right out of the gate, making those of us who are late bloomers envious and sad that we've somehow missed the window of opportunity. But you would be a fool to think that window is restricted to the first three months after graduation. Opportunity comes knocking everyday. My opportunity showed up this week.

A year ago this weekend, I was making my way back to Fort Worth after *the incident* with my brain. I could have stayed in San Antonio. I could've found my way into a job there and not come back. But I would've regretted it. This last year has been one for the books-- full of so much fun, life lessons and yes, a big dose of love. I wouldn't change one moment because my mother is right: every single thing that happens in this life is part of a bigger plan, part of God's plan. There are good things that happen and there are bad things that happen, but they all matter; they are all part of the plan. I didn't think that I would be here, at this crossroads, but here I am, steadfastly following the plan.

I am so humbled by everything the last five and a half years has brought me. I am so grateful for the people I have met, my friends, my mentors, my anchors. So much of my heart will always be in this city. But while my wings have taken me to a new place full of some of the very best people in this world, my roots are where I belong. So, to San Antonio I go with a new job, with my cool new roommates, with my phenomenal boyfriend; it's time I don't have to finagle my travels for Fiesta.

In the eternal words of Logan Huntzberger, "It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill. Isn't this the point of being young? It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived."

Thank you TCU, Fort Worth, my friends that have become my family-- I am who I am because of you. Promise you'll visit-- San Antonio has better Mexican food.