leave no stone unturned

Today marks a strange day for the TCU class of 2014. Today begins the real countdown to graduation. Today marks our last "first day of school". Today marks the beginning of the end. But more than the cloaked cliches of the painful reminders that we really are just getting too old for most of this shit, today changes everything. 

Unlike my peers, I spent the majority of this last big break in Fort Worth. I didn't get to go home and play high school reunion. I didn't get to travel abroad. (I did manage to up my reading glasses magnification yet again; #blessed.) What did I get was a perfect seven days in San Antonio with my favorite people surrounded by the contagious bliss of the holidays and 3 other weeks learning something insanely new every single day (the intern life is kinda cool sometimes). Sure. I wish I could've watched every episode of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman with Steph or seen my girlfriends more. But c'est la vie. I have no complaints. And lets be real, less time at home meant less opportunities to be bombarded with every almost-graduate's favorite conversation topic: The FUTURE.

If you survived the Neeley grind and got your full time offer from a Big 4, props. Saying "Oh, I signed with EY and will start in June" sounds a whole of a hell lot better than "Oh, I actually have no earthly clue about this elusive 'future' in question, but I've got some really solid happy hours penciled in for January." 

Many of my readers knew me in high school (and even during my peak years of 4th-8th grade). I wasn't "cool" until like spring of my junior year and even that is still up for debate. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I was always on a mission. I was going to graduate Summa Cum Laude. I was going to be Brahmadora Colonel. I was going to be involved and make a difference.  I was going to get to have my pick of universities rather than having to take whoever let me in (jokes on you, TCU). When I started four years ago, I was a History and Arts Administration major. I was going to curate at the Guggenheim. I was going to travel the world searching for groundbreaking exhibits and be the queen of the museum world.  I accomplished everything on my to do list but so much has changed as I brace myself to walk the stage in May with a B.S. in Strategic Communications and Sociology (that is Bachelor of Science, not bullshit). There's a little FOMO resonating as I look back, yet not one regret. 

Luckily for me, I only had one significant run in with a past teacher/mentor/favorite human, Andrew Arnatt. It was at the Oak Park HEB. (If you get that reference, you know it's a miracle that I only ran into one person I knew.) But on a late night whipped cream run (because you can't drink coffee and Bailey's without whipped cream), something changed my entire perspective on handling The Final Countdown. I chatted with Andrew about how old we both are, my TBD post-grad plans and lastly, my current PR internship with Consuro. His response to my work was, "They are lucky to have you as a writer, someone who doesn't shy from tackling a subject you know nothing about. The intelligence and creativity that you've shown me and apparently continue to show makes you invaluable." HOLY CRAP BATMAN. No, this is not a post of self praise, I swear. Most days of my world are embarrassing, ironically hilarious, and full of insanity. But this moment is how I imagine athletes make it to the pro level-- a by chance meeting with a "coach" that reaffirms where you're headed. Am I the next Carrie Bradshaw? Doubtful. (NYC isn't my scene). But what I've missed over the last 3.5 years was the foundation of who I am- a writer. Some people are great with numbers. Some people have a knack for fashion or environmental law. I truly believe that everyone has a piece of themselves that is as unique as a fingerprint. When you find it, don't ever let go. Maybe it won't get you a career. Maybe it won't make you famous. But I promise you, it will complete you. 

Where to next? Who the hell knows. I refuse to tell you people to "live in the moment" because that's impossible. And I won't tell you to "make the most of every day". Some days are meant for 12 hours of whatever marathon USA is airing-- I am a confirmed SVU and NCIS addict. I will tell you TCU students to get better about using your blinkers around campus. I will tell you to at least attempt to disguise the fact that you haven't washed your hair in two days with a hat or headband or SOMETHING. Above all, I will tell you to relax.

Just because you have found yourself at a crossroads does not mean that you have to run off in one direction or the other. You can sit there for a while and contemplate your alternatives. You can take in the scenery right where you're standing, and think about what direction you want to head towards. You can't know every obstacle you will face in either direction. Nor can you know every blessing that will make its way to you on whichever path you choose. That's why you have to just peacefully and harmoniously decide what you want, and just take it from there. Leave no stone unturned. When you're ready, move forward-- but not a moment sooner. 

Congrats to everyone on the new year and impending graduations (even 8th grade grad can be intense). 
Have a drink, take a load off and cut yourself some slack... you'll figure it out eventually.